Forbidden Love. I fell head first into the unknown abyss that is my heart. You can't help who you fall in love with right? Damn, my loud azz inside voice. I fell for someone I really knew nothing about. A man I dated one time in time; and since that time, he’s done time. He's tall, dark, handsome and all that other BS. But mostly, HE’S REAL. Real about his feelings, has no game, no shame, wants to love, and is open to giving it. His last words to me were “happiness can be found at this address. I have no problem with commitment, or even with the distance. I know what I want.” DAYUM! INSTANT NIAGARA! A sistah was dripping!!! He's a gentle giant with a big, beautiful personality. Being with him is like laying on chocolate sands. He's articulate and sensual, but has REAL ISSUES that any “sane” woman would Nascar away from. But not me. I want it all!!! Isn't that crazy? What's worse is that I'm afraid to love him. I'm not scared of Lions, Tigers and Bears, but I'm afraid of loving him. Damn those Jazmine Sullivan songs. I'm in looooooooooove with this man! The hard part is I have a man. A man who loves all of me and my dirty drawers. A man I thought got me, understood me, needed and related to me, could laugh with me, everything. I’ve wanted this man since we met, and in only a few months he can be mine! Did you hear me? MINE! We were about to cross that threshold of happiness, but Facebook had to go and put a monkey wrench in my ish and now I'm all freaking confused. And now when I look at my man, I see his face. When I talk to my man, I hear his voice. When I make love to my man, everything in me says his name. I feel compelled to drop everything and run to him. “I wanna run to him...ohhh.” The question is “Should I go forward with certainty, or follow my heart??”

Dream or Reality? Today I dreamed of you. I dreamt that I kept hurting you emotionally and physically. Not intentionally of course, but it was so vivid. We shared one another’s space making love, and getting to know each other all over again. I just don’t know why I kept hurting you. We made love in a way like never before only to be disturbed by an old flame. My old flame. Your feelings were hurt, but we got past it. I explained the situation to you, and things got better; yet once again we were disturbed by this old flame. The reality of the situation cut you once more. Then came more disappointment. We were walking outside sharing an embrace, and this time you tripped over me and got hurt. With every new step we tried to take, pain followed. I was so apologetic, and you were so accepting. WHY? Are we not ready for this next step we’re trying to take? Are we rushing things? Better yet, are YOU too fragile for a relationship. Perhaps I’m not the one for you…

The Painful Truth. After speaking w/ you, I felt somewhat relieved. I still love you (yes, love you) but I know I'm not for you. I realize that now. I bring hurt to you and don't want to do that anymore; therefore, I must move on. Believe it or not, a man whom I see everyday told me I look different today. Refreshed, young, alive and beautiful. It’s amazing what people see. I don’t feel that way today. Maybe it's because the burden of this friendship is now gone. My heart is still heavy from a love that could have been, but still, I continue to move forward.