Dating Ten Years No Ring

couple arguing

Courtesy of Dreamstime

Dear SisterChatter,

How do I keep from leaving my boyfriend? We’ve been dating ten years..no ring yet! Here’s the back-story. My boyfriend is wonderful. He wines and dines me, we take trips, and he’s a good dad. Outside of dealing with his ratchet baby mama, I can’t complain about the relationship. Here’s my dilemma. I feel like I’m selling myself short. I recently had my first child with him. Now I’m a baby mama! I waited so long to have children that I never imagined I’d have that title. It’s not what I wanted for my life. As happy as I am, I’m equally unhappy because I’m not married. One mind says nothing’s wrong so don’t try to fix what ain’t broken. The other mind says, “Girl, if he wanted to marry you he would have done so by now. Leave so you can heal and spend this time getting to know someone that recognizes your value!” I’m fairly young (30), beautiful, stable, I own a home, and I would walk to the end of the earth for this dude. I feel like somebody out there would love to be my husband! So why isn’t he ready? He talks about it all the time. But I’m simply tired of waiting. What should I do?

Candace
Anaheim, CA

Julu Says…Ten years is a long time to go unmarried IF that’s what you want and believe in for yourself. So have a serious conversation with your man about how you feel. He hasn’t proposed for a reason..find out what that is. Does he even believe in marriage? Were his parents married? If so, did they divorce? Sometimes people are haunted by the things their parents experienced, so they go in the opposite direction. Or perhaps it could be as simple as him being afraid that things will change between you two if you get married; but either way, know what you’re dealing with.

Drake Says…First off, you don’t sound like the brightest person to me. You’re happy, yet you’re not. You are falling into the typical woman trend of “I’m happy but I’m gonna see how much more i can get–and on my time frame, not his.”  Grandma used to say if it aint broke, don’t fix it. Well you breaking something that is cool, and just don’t have the security in your man or yourself to wait on time and your destiny.  So take the easy way out girlfriend and leave that sorry cat…I mean good dude. The grass will surely be greener.  Email us back when u get some scruples about yourself.

Fever Says…You already know the answer to your question, you just need confirmation. Girl, leave if you aren’t happy. But if you are happy, stay. You know his stuff and he knows yours. There’s nothing like having someone who knows you. Now, if you two are staying together just because he’s your child’s father and you’ve been together this long, you let me know how many of those relationships work?! EXACTLY.  So do the first thing that comes to your mind.  If it’s leave, then pack your child’s bag and leave everything else behind.  It’s going to be tough finding someone to deal with an infant. It’s hard finding someone when you have children period; but it will be worth finding someone who loves, trusts and knows you, and vice versa.

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