Jameis Winston: Thank You For Not Stealing Chicken
I can only imagine how utterly ridiculous things would’ve gotten over social media had you stolen a bucket of chicken. Since crab legs are considered a delicacy, African American’s (and a small percentage of Paula Deen lovin’ southern baptists), would like to thank you for stealing something other than wings, hush puppies, watermelon, dill pickles, hot sauce, collard greens, fried green tomatoes, tacos, sweet tea, red kool-aid, or any other delectable accoutrement commonly associated with people of color.
When I first heard about the incident I was hoping it was just an allegation; after all it’s a ridiculous and hilarious offense all rolled into one. WhoTF steals crab legs? I admit they are delightfully scrumptious! Even though there is nothing stereotypical about them, some would argue that your actions have set African-Americans back; but in this case, you have only set yourself back–and I am fine with that.
It’s doubtful that this was premeditated, because even a .01% chance that this scheme would fail should’ve been enough to discourage the average bear–or Heisman Trophy winner. Did the accomplishment of being the youngest to receive the Heisman leave you feeling empty inside? So empty that you yearned to fill that void with hot, butter dipped, scrumptious, sweet smelling crab? Well congratulations! You now have the pleasure of being known as the youngest Heisman Trophy winner–to steal crab legs. Trust, there were better ways to cement your name in history.
And finally, while we understand that you may have been famished on that fateful day in April when you experienced that moment of youthful ignorance, be reminded that you were only a few counties removed from receiving a sexual assault charge this past winter. And now, this. A couple of poor decisions could’ve sidelined you for good.
Most people don’t get a second chance.
Stop. Think. Act. Please…