To Love Unconditionally
Xavier to His Father DMX: "I'm Coming Here with Love" | Iyanla: Fix My Life | Oprah Winfrey Network
I finally watched DMX on Iyanla Fix My Life. And like I had heard, it was very sad. Like many of you, I’ve formed an opinion or three about DMX based on the things he’s said lyrically, all of the arrests, and other other negative publicity. Dude was all over the place emotionally, and is in need of a healing. He could truly benefit from a strong detox and a retreat at the same damm time.
The one thing to consistently come across was the love he has for his son. That cat told his son “half of me is you, and I love the whole you.” That was powerful. Wonder how much of himself he’s learned to love; but I digress. And even as tough as his son Xavier was acting, deep down he missed not having a relationship with his dad.
And wasn’t it amazing to see how much different Xavier is from his dad? DMX didn’t get a ‘mini-me.’ His son didn’t grow up in the hard streets of Baltimore, so the streets never had a chance to mold, or get ahold of him. You could tell that Xavier was used to the tone that DMX used to express his feelings–he’s quite excitable; but you could also tell that the son has a totally different mentality. DMX is gonna have to wake up, and come to the present year and realize that his son is now a man.
I thought they were about to ride off into the sunset together for a minute, but then Xavier said he wanted a healthy, ‘clean’ relationship–one where his dad wasn’t on drugs. And realistically, he should be able to have that; but it aint gon happen overnite. That’s where DMX lost it. And I don’t think he was wrong in calling his son out on the conditional love thing. Getting clean and staying clean is a process. The only condition Xavier should have placed on his dad was for him to give a 100% continual effort in his battle to stay clean of drugs/alcohol. That is really all you can ask from a person. DMX immediately shut down with his son’s demand, probably feeling like that was a setup for failure. He’s a man of his word, so why would he agree to do something that he knows he’s not ready to accomplish; but something tells me building that relationship with his son would’ve helped him along his journey.
Now lets flip the script for a moment. What if Xavier had admitted to his dad that he was gay–go with me people for a minute–iaint tryna start no rumors! And what if DMX had responded, “I’d like a relationship with you too son; and we can do that once you’re straight–how can we build a relationship if you’re toxic?” EVERYBODY, they momma, and PETA (I don’t know why), would be in a tizzy. Like addiction, there are people who believe being gay is a sickness, and/or a symptom of a bigger problem. Just sayin’. Man, DMX would’ve been called all kinds of homophobic azzholes.
So the moral of the story is “don’t expect a person you’re standing beside to walk a mile to get you something, and then turn around and walk another mile to bring it back to you while you stood in the same spot.” You could’ve met them half way. Feel me?